I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
