U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
