i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
