you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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