I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
