I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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