Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
