I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize