My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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