so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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