My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
