I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I died a long time ago.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
