You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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