Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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