so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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