meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize