Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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