Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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