I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
