so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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