My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
