ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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