I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
