I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
