i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
