She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
