If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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