Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
