perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
