dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize