Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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