I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
