New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
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Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
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I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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