Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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