It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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