Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
