You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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