people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
