Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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