HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
