I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
