I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
