non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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