I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
