I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
