The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
True but thats because hes a fetus.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
