So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
