come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
