is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Enjoy the penises
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
