im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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