Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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