shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
