He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
