i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
