My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
