FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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