Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
