Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
