She said her name was "party"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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