Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
