Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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