Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
