My brain says no but my pants say off.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
